ANOTHER Change Coming Soon...

     I think I need to clear something up, judging from the keywords I'm seeing being searched for that end up on my blog.  I always appreciate the traffic, but I think some lonely guys out there think this is some naughty site with naughty pictures and stuff.
     My son actually gave me the idea for this blog.  You may have noticed it changed from NC Bitches Unite to Almost Naked Mommy.  Not because it leads people to believe I'm being naughty, but it's cute and funny, once you know the story behind it, which is a very short and simple one.
     One day, Teagan, the light of my life, blessed angel from the Gods, etc... was telling me about a cartoon he was started watching.  I obviously did a double-take and asked, "What? What? What?"  The cartoon is named "Almost Naked Animals", and he was telling me all about the pig in his undies and the rabbit in her bikini, blah blah blah.  I still was a little leary, so we sat down to watch an episode.  It literally is one of the dumbest cartoons ever, but he thinks it's crazy good, so it's all right by me.  However, I did like the name.  A lot.  And I thought it would be very funny to rename my blog Almost Naked Mommy.
     However, because of the naughtiness I am seeing that directs people to my blog, I will be changing it from "Almost Naked Mommy" to "Almost Naked MzFit Toy".  It's going to be hard for anyone whose mind is in the gutter to be directed to this, so be warned.  This change will come on September 1, 2011, so make a mental note of it now, so you can find my blog.  The address will be listed as http://almostnakedmzfittoy.blogspot.com.
     So, basically, this blog still has nothing to do with naughtiness, nakedness, or narcissisticness, it's just a funny name for a funny blog, that has a bitchy twist to it.  Like I'd really ever post my nudididity... (say it out loud, it will crack you up), on the internet for people's eyeballs to explode inside their sockets.  Keep your minds out of the gutter, unless I put them there. :-P

Almost Naked MzFit Toy vs. Same-Sex Marriage

***WARNING - THIS POST EXPRESSES STRONG OPINIONS.*** 

     Well, you knew this topic would come up eventually, and I thought it best to make it sooner than later, considering all the media coverage and debates over Same-Sex Marriages.  And, as I stated in the beginning, this post will express strong opinions.  You may not agree, you have that right.  Any gay-bashing or hateful comments will be promptly deleted.  And I do mean promptly.  I sit on this computer all the time, so you never know when I'm looking, and I have new comment and reply notifications sent to my e-mail, so when I say promptly, you better believe it will be before anyone can be hurt by your hate.  Respect my opinion, I will always respect yours, so long as it is served up with a large helping of tactfulness and respect. 

     Now, on to the strong opinions.  Gay marriage in this country is a very hot topic, one of which everyone has heard on the news, in the paper, on the internet, by strangers, by friends, and by family.  So, if you have lived under a rock for the last 10 years, I will briefly summarize half of the country's opinion for you.  Basically, the debate is that same-sex marriages are forbidden in Christianity, ruins the sanctity of opposite-sex marriage, against the laws that govern this country, amoral, inhuman, that it's a choice to be gay, or like this guy in the photo to the right, demonic.  (Seriously?  What a jackass.)
      My opinion, like the opinion of the other half of the country, is that same-sex marriage is none of your business.  It doesn't ruin the sanctity of marriage, doesn't bother my marriage one bit.  The laws that govern this country were made by god-fearing men strangled by the words of a book, that in my opinion, is just a best-selling work of fiction.  It's not inhuman.  The way gay men have sex is the same way half of the straight men in this country have sex with their wives, and how the other half of the men want to have sex with their wives.  The way any man thinks, gay or straight, is if he has a dick it belongs in a hole.  As for gay women, it's the same way straight women have sex with their men (if they have a good one and he isn't selfish).  Being gay isn't a choice.  I have seen this first hand in a five year old.  It was very clear to all involved, that a boy of a family I know would would grow up to be gay..  It was just plain to see, for those who know how to see it clearly without bias.  Guess what?  He's now 19 years old now and gay.  So, in my opinion, and many others, being gay isn't a choice, it's in the genes.  The same with people who have been in a heterosexual marriage for 25+ years, then one day divorce because one of them comes forward with how they really feel.  You don't wake up one day and say, "Hells, I have nothing better to do, think I'll be gay today."  If it was a choice, who in the hells would want to make that choice, knowing how much hate there is out there for gay people?  Seriously, thinking about it, people.  Did you wake up one day and decide you were straight?  As for demonic... seriously.  I'm not even going there.
     If same-sex marriage bothers you, don't be involved in one.  Don't marry a gay if it disgusts you so much.  Just like drugs.  If you don't like people who do drugs and they way they act, don't do drugs and don't hang around people who do.  You don't like Wiccans or Atheists or Protestants, don't go to their churches, don't read their literature, don't hang out with them. 
     People can't bitch about interracial marriages now because people learned to accept it.  In 20-30 years, (less if you people wise up), they won't be bitching about same-sex marriages.  They will be bitching about intergalactic marriages.  And I will tell them the same thing.  You don't like people marrying aliens, don't marry one.

    

Almost Naked MzFit Toy vs. Abortion

***WARNING - THIS POST EXPRESSES STRONG OPINIONS.***    

     I love adding photos to my blog, and though there are plenty of photos available on this topic, they were too gruesome even for me to add, so I went the safer and possibly the more heart-wrenching route.
     I was a member of the Baptist church until I was 18 years old.  Around the age of 21, I decided that Christianity was not for me, and converted to the Wiccan religion.  However, one thing I always did agree with from my Christian days, was that abortion is wrong.  The spark of any life is still a life, no matter what stage it is in, and it is wrong to kill an innocent life, just because you don't want it there.  Please keep in mind, this is my opinion, and of course, I do respect the opinions of others, I am simply putting in my own two cents worth on this subject.
     A lot of people have different views on abortion, and I cannot say they are wrong.  However, for me and my personal choices, abortion is wrong, amoral, and just evil.  You get knocked up because you weren't smart enough to either keep your legs closed or use protection, and now you have a baby that you don't want to raise, so you kill it.  Seriously?  There are people hurting for babies out there, who would love that child no matter what the circumstances were, so give it up for adoption.  Hells, some people will even pay for your up keep during your pregnancy, desperate as they are for a healthy child.  So not only is it beneficial to the baby and the adopting family, but it can also be beneficial to you.  But, don't be one of those girls who decide they want to give their child up for adoption, take good people's money for their up keep, then decide you want to keep it.  Make your decision and stick with it.  It's not right to give hope to a family who are unable to have children of their own, and then change your mind.  It's just assholey and you should be shamed.
     Another situation is a child conceived from rape.  There are extremely strong opinions out there about this, but my opinion is the same.  The baby did not ask or choose to be born out of a hateful situation that has victimized his or her mother, and caused pain and suffering.  However, why should the baby suffer because the mother is so miserable?  Yes, it would be so painful to carry a child for nine months knowing how that child got there, but seriously like I said, there are people hurting for babies, and they will love that child no matter what.
     The only way I would ever condone abortion, is if medical advances are made that enables a mother to see if a child would have debilitating disabilities that the child would suffer needlessly, and that it would be a mercy in aborting the child.  And I'm not talking about a missing limb, or being blind, deaf, mute, having ADHD or Autism, or what-have-you.  I'm talking severely conjoined twins where there is an extremely high risk of losing both children, or a quadraplegic child who would be helpless his or her entire life without adult assistance, or born missing parts of his or her brain, where basically the child would be a living, breathing body, but only with the assistance of machines.  Serious, detrimental disabilities.  Not talking about a little deformity where the child may be viewed as ugly by the public.  F*ck the public.  You don't like the way someone looks, don't look at them.  Seriously.
     Again, these are my opinions, I did not write this post to force my opinions down anyone's throat, simply sharing what's in my head.  You don't like my opinion, you have that right.  And I am always up for healthy debate, but don't try to force your beliefs and opinions on me, because you will get smacked in the head by my big ass brick wall of "NOT LISTENING".  Childish?  Probably.  But I don't force you to eat my garbage, don't force me to eat yours.

Almost Naked MzFit Toy vs. Murder-Suicide

***WARNING - THIS POST EXPRESSES STRONG OPINIONS.***    

     Some days I wake up in an excellent mood, then I read something in the news or see it on the television that ruins my day, pisses me off, and gets me raging on my blog about it.  This is one of those "somethings".
     You all have heard it before.  A man or woman, but it's usually a man, gets it in his head that his life sucks so bad that nothing will remedy it except for offing himself.  However, he is too scared to go alone, so he has it in his head that his family wants to go with him, so he kills off his entire family (and sometimes even the family pet), and then kills himself.
     ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!?!  First, I am all for your physical and spiritual demise, if you think there is no way out.  Who am I to say that your life is worth more to you than you think it is?  Do what you gotta do.  I respect that.  Granted, I don't condone suicide, it's a coward's way out of a problem that can be fixed, if you just put your stupid, brain-dead mind to it.  However.  Your family (and your pets) do not, do not, DO NOT want to go with you!  Why in the hell would someone think they would?  Seriously?  Did you ask them before you decided to off them?  "Hey guys, I suck so bad I can't fix my shit, and I was thinking about committing a little murder-suicide.  How about it?"  I'm pretty damn sure they would tell you to f*ck off.
     Whatever it is that you think is so bad in your life that it requires your suicide in order to fix it, do it alone you f*cking coward, and leave your family and pets alone.

Almost Naked MzFit Toy vs. Almost Naked MzFit Toy

     The nice thing about having a blog is that you can bitch about whatever you want, and if you anger or hurt someone's feelings, you will only know about it if they comment.  Basically, I'm not here to be friends, though I love all of my readers, from time to time, there are going to be topics that you may find offensive.  I will always post a warning when these posts come out.  But keep in mind, everyone is entitled to MY opinion... lol  I mean THEIR opinion, and I respect that.  So, respect my opinion as well.
     So with that said, I introduce my new series, "Almost Naked Mommy vs."  In these posts, I will be tackling some of society's toughest subjects, most of which will have my very strong opinions attached to them, as well as a warning so that you are aware of what the post brings.
     I hope you enjoy this series, as much as I enjoy writing it.  And like I said before, please respect my opinions, I respect yours.

Finding Family In Unexpected Places 2/2

      Anyway, so I set up a date and time to come meet them, think it was that very day after work, and I sat down with them to have a talk about my father. They were raising a little boy, I can't remember his name, but his mother was my father's niece (his sister's daughter), but she had died some years ago from AIDS. I never met any of them, so her death shouldn't have bothered me much, but it did. Just the fact that she died before I could ever know her kind of upset me. But, the meeting went well, and they gave me a lot of information, some of which I was not prepared for. I found out I had eight other brothers and sisters! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What did my father do, whore around from the time I was born? Gods almighty how pissed was I? I could not believe that my father was not raising any of these children, the same as he had done with me.

      Soon after the meeting with the two aunts of my father, I met one of my sisters and her mother. She was six years old, and sweet as can be. Her mother had information for another of the mothers who had two children who were also my siblings by my father. I met a younger brother and sister that day as well. It was a little overwhelming, but being the oldest, I felt very protective over these new found siblings, just like a momma bear.
      It wasn't long after meeting these new family members that I moved from West Virginia to North Carolina, got married, had a child, and an apartment fire, which cost me all my valued contact information for my new siblings. I was heart-broken that I had lost this information, and had no way of getting any of it back at the time, due to our financial situation. We didn't even have a phone so that I could try to reconnect with the aunts. It was very disheartening.
      This brings me to the year 2010. Facebook can be a devious devil, but also an angel of hope. My sister, who was six years old when I met her, found me on Facebook. From there, we systematically tracked down all but two of our siblings, these being under the age of 18, and their mother preventing them from knowing anything about us, so for now, we bide our time until they are 18, and can make their own decisions whether they want to know about the siblings or not.
      Just recently, we were able to reconnect with the last of the older ones. It's like Christmas every time we find a new sibling. At first, I worry that they will have no interest in knowing about the family, but that has yet to be the case for any of them. It's very exciting finding out what they have been up to, and how they feel about finding out they have a much larger family than they ever thought. However, it's also very heart-breaking to hear some of them speak about how sad they were growing up and wondering why our father wanted nothing to do with them. Some of them even knew they had siblings out there by him, but did not have names or ways to find them. Of course, all of this just pisses me off even more, knowing that our father has done this to them, has no interest in ever making it right, and is too worried about where his next drug score will come, to ever be a father. Grr! I hate that man.
      I have spoken to him three more times since that one time back in 1994 when he called me after writing me two letters. The second time he called, I basically told him to bugger off, because I had found out about all of the children he had fathered but never raised, and I was so pissed off, I wanted nothing to do with him. Last year, I tracked him down, but only so I could get the information about the family that only he knows, because his aunts have since passed away, his sister and uncle are both dead, and I wasn't sure how to find his father, until recently. Suffice it to say, there are many letters in the works in order to connect with these extended family members.
      It is very exciting but also frustrating. Because I am the oldest of nine children, I feel responsible for keeping everyone together, so that we never lose contact again. We've all spent way too much time apart from each other, to ever go through it again.

Finding Family In Unexpected Places 1/2

     Growing up, I was the oldest of three girls.  I knew that my sisters and I had different fathers.  My last name was different from theirs.  I knew they were the children of my mother's current husband, and that my father had left when I was six months old.  I also knew that I had a sister from my father that I had never met, and that she was two years younger than me, but I didn't know how to find her, being as young as I was, and I had no interest in finding my father.
     When I was 18, on the night of my prom, I crawled back into the house around 6am, and went through the mail I hadn't looked at earlier in the day.  At that time, I was applying to colleges in the hopes of actually getting into one (I did, but never went, long story).  So, as I was rifling through the mail, I find a very small envelope addressed to me from a <name withhled>.  Of course, I recognized the name, and was immediately upset about the whole affair.  Why would he wait 18 years to contact me and what did he want?  I read the letter, unfortunately, I do not have it anymore, but basically it said something along the lines of:

"Hi, I'm your father.  When you were a baby, blah blah blah.  I have been doing this for blah blah blah."

     Basically, a whole bunch of bullshit, as far as I was concerned.  The next day, I talked to my mom about it, and I was really upset about it.  It angered me that he waited so long to talk to me, and I was his first child.  How the hell could you abandon a child that you supposedly wanted more than anything? 
     Well, I wrote him back, and he wrote me again, I think I wrote him another letter, then he called me.  I was, of course, very shy about it, because this was a stranger I had never spoken to or met (well, he did leave when I was 6 months old, so no, I actually never met him), but he knew about me.  I don't remember what we talked about, but it doesn't really matter.  He never called back.
     So, I put that whole affair out of my mind, until I was around the age of 22.  I got it into my head that I was going to find my father.  I have no idea why, I really don't.  But, I was working at a hair salon and bored, so I got out the phone book.  I knew the name of one of his aunts, so I looked for her in the phone book.  I found six different people listed with that name.  So, I just called the first one, and as luck would have it, it happened to be the right one.  Go figure. lol  I explained to her who I was, who my father was, and was she his aunt.  She said she was, that they had wondered about me for years and years (they meaning two of his aunts lived together) but wasn't sure how to find me.  This sounded promising.  You know, sometimes when people finally connect with long-lost family, they aren't too happy to be found.
  

Making Love Out of Nothing at All...

    

     Marriage.  The final frontier for some and for others, a step towards settling down and making the American Dream a reality, with the nice house, picket fence, 2.5 children, steady income, and the family pet.

     What happens in a marriage?  You meet, you make beautiful music together, you have a lavish wedding, you ride off into the sunset on a cruise for your honeymoon, you return, you have children, you create civil unrest, you start World War III, you bask in your carnage and bloodshed, and then you sit back and wonder, "What the hell happened?"

     The marriage your parents and grandparents had may or may not be the one you have.  It is very unlikely you will have a serene marriage, because those were better times, different times.  Today's values and morals are not the same as they were 40, 30, even 20 years ago.  Parents do not raise their children to mirror their genders like they were in the 1950's.  Meaning, little girls are not raised to become homemakers, and men are not raised to be breadwinners. 

     Today, little girls are raised by independent, liberal, business women who are inconveniently mothers.  Little boys are raised by cowed, submissive housemaids who just happen to be their fathers.  That is not to say that every child is raised in this manner, there are, of course, exceptions, such as same-sex, elderly, or just completely abnormal parental units, but I will touch on these at a later date.  Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with any of these types of families, in fact, they may be better than what society now calls normal.  There is definitely a benefit to having older parents, because they were raised in the old ways, and will raise their children how they were raised.  Abnormal parental units, I just mean free-loving, hippy-types, which I am all for, so long as you are not those nudist types that sit around the family toadstool having dinner completely in your birthday suits.  That's just creepy as hell.  Same-sex parental units, I will definitely get to in another post, because I have a lot to say about this, and all the bitching that goes on today about it.  Just suffice it to say that same-sex parents cannot be any worse than children raised by parents who are both in or have been in prison, and that's putting it mildly.  So, chew on that, will ya.

     Okay, but back to the reason I wrote this post.  Obviously, my husband and I have the World War III type of marriage.  We have been married almost 10 years now, and I would have thought that we would have figured all this constant bitching out by now.  Apparently, we haven't. 

     My husband and I married quickly, had a child quickly, and learn to grow on each other along the way.  This probably wasn't the best way to begin a life together, but we just played the hand we were dealt.  Now, let me give you a little insight into my husband.  He is basically a 36 year old child.  He is extremely annoying, and usually on purpose, he has to be constantly reminded to do something, and when he hasn't done it, after the millionth time of asking him, a fight ensues. 

     But what really pisses me off is, he didn't used to be this way.  Yes, he was annoying, yes we fought, but it was never as bad as it is now.  He was once very loving, very kind, thoughtful, sensitive, and very clingy, which I didn't mind so much. 

     So, how do we keep from killing each other, while still playing at being in love?  I mean, I do love him, and he says he loves me.  We have a handsome little man from our union, who desperately needs us both in his life.  So, what do we do?  We just put up with it.  Of course, there have been many, MANY times we have nearly called it quits.  Maybe by the time we are 40 we will have it sorted.  If not, I will put him up for auction to the highest bidder. LOL

    

Happy 9th Birthday To My Sweet Baby Teagan!

 

To celebrate Teagan's 9th birthday, and his first blog birthday extravaganza, we will be looking at Teagan through the years.  Prepare for the cutness.

 Newborn Teagan 

Year One

Year Two

Year Three

Year Four

Year Five

Year Six

Year Seven

Year Eight

Year Nine
(He's actually 8 in this photo but it's 3 days before his birthday, so it will do.)